The Veil and the Bartender
by Ebony-Ink-Stain
Summary: What happens when Sirius falls behind the veil...and ends up in a bar instead? T for Alchohol reference, but really is K no cussing, sex reference, etc.


_Author's Note: So, I'm writing an original piece with a friend....and he hasn't gotten me back the document-device-thingy, so I decided to have fun with fanfics instead. PS: Any Scottish slang that is acutally means a bad word in Scotland (like "bloody" for English.) I'm sorry. I just got them off Wikipedia. _

SMACK!

Sirius Black groaned, rubbing the back of his head. He had no idea where he was. The last thing he remembered…

Sirius's eyes shot open. Frantically he pushed himself off the floor. Harry! He had to get to him! Sirius refused to let Harry end up in Bellatrix's hands. Or worse. Memories of past mistakes flooded his mind. He **would not** let what happened to James and Lilly happen to his godson. But where was that arch?

The memory sparked in his mind. It wasn't just an ordinary gateway. He fell through the veil.

He fell to his death.

Cursing, tears welling up in his eyes, Sirius pounded his fist against the wall. Never again would he share another moment with his godson. He could never tell Harry of the years he spent with James, tell him of their antics. There would be no chance to give Harry the advice he would desperately need: on dueling, women, life. The chance to make up the missing years with him, to redeem himself for betraying James, Lilly, even Harry, was gone. A tear slid down his face. This was not how he wanted it to end.

"Needin' a drink?" a voice inquired.

Sirius spun around. He hadn't realized before that he was standing in a bar. On the other side of the counter stood a woman. Having waist-length red hair, hazel-eyes, she seemed to be in her thirties, but something about her suggested differently.

"Be needin' a drink?" she asked again. Her accent, Sirius realized, was Scottish. Confused, he walked over and sat on the leather bar-stool, watching her pull out a glass. They stared at each other for a good long minute.

"Well?" she finally asked. Sirius blinked.

"Well, what?"

The woman rolled her eyes. "Goon," she muttered under her breath. Snatching his wand out from his hand, she tapped the edge of the glass with it. Liquor instantly cascaded from the wand. Sirius's eyes widened.

"Well, if I knew **that** one at Hogwarts…" he muttered, taking the glass (and his wand) from her. The woman scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Can't learn that one," she said, pouring herself a drink. "Comes from the heart it does."

Sirius nodded understandingly. Really, he didn't have a clue what she was saying, but it must've had something to do with being dead. A good, long silence sat between them as Sirius polished off his drink.

"So…this is the afterlife, huh?" he asked, setting the glass back on the counter. The woman stared incredulously as Sirius thumped the wand against the edge of the glass.

"The afterl-…Oh stop it!" she snarled, stealing his wand and tapping the glass, "I told ye, comes from the heart."

Sirius shrugged and took another swig.

"And whatcha' mean about bein' dead?" she asked, "Yer in Scotland, ye tube."

Liquor spewed out from Sirius's mouth. "What!" he exclaimed, before realizing he was facing an irate, soaked Scottish woman. Clearing his throat, he mumbled 'sorry' and proceeded to interrogate her. "But, I feel through the veil-"

"Veil? What veil? Ye fell through my door, ye piece of haggis!"

"No! No!" Sirius groaned. The woman pulled a hand towel out from underneath the counter as he explained. "In the Ministry of Magic in London, there's a veil-"

The woman's eyes shot wide open. "Oh…that veil…" she murmured, then proceeded to wipe the counter as if nothing spectacular had happened. Moments passed as Sirius stared at her, bewildered. Throwing the rag down, the woman began cleaning up the floor. When she went to lay it under the counter, she noticed Sirius was still staring at her, jaw dropped to the floor.

She tapped his chin. "If ye don't shut your mouth, I'll feed you my haggis," she said, then continued darkly, "And trust me, ye don't want my haggis."

"BUT THE VEIL!" Sirius yelped, his voice echoing in the empty bar. The woman smacked him on his head.

"Shhh! Ye'll wake up everyone else with your ruckus!" Sirius continued to stare.

"But…the veil-"

"It's downstairs! Now will ye finish your drink. Nothin' I hate more than a man who doesn't finish his drink."

Obediently, Sirius finished his drink. He took that time to also contemplate the previous conversation. "So…I'm…in Scotland?" he asked. The woman nodded.

"Ye sure are," she said, leaning out the window to feed a Thestral.

"And the veil's downstairs?"

"Yup."

"…why?"

With a huff, the woman banged her glass against the counter. "Because ye English are a bunch of numpties," she snarled, pouring herself a drink. "There ye go, throwin' the gateway to death in the middle of a room! Don't try an' hide it, ya' just plop it right there! Don't stick it in a corner or anything! Other numpties fallin' right through! So I got rid of it!" She picked up her glass and drained it all in one gulp. "That and that idiotic killin' curse."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Right," he scoffed, "You got rid of the Killing Curse. I could believe that.._if people weren't still dying!"_

The woman snorted. "Well, I couldn't get rid of the whole thing. Gads!" she said, "All I could do was write a name on a parchment of paper, and _WHOOSH!_ They'd be sent here."

It was Sirius's turn to laugh. "You can't do that," he said with a shake of his head.

The woman's face turned as dark as when she mentioned the haggis. "Wanna' try?"

At that point, Sirius figured that if she could transport the veil without dying, _and_ fake out the ministry to think they had the real one, she might be able to do that, too. But, if what she was saying was true, could he have saved James and Lilly? Sirius closed his eyes. Even if he could, there was nothing he could do now. Sirius had to face that reality a long time ago. But now…

The plan came to mind almost immediately. "Do you have it?" he asked. Maybe this woman was crazy, but at this point, Sirius would try anything to keep those he loved safe.

She shrugged. "Got it right here," she said, pulling a parchment scroll out of her pocket. Sirius stared at it for a moment. If it worked…

"May I…use it?" he asked. The woman shrugged again.

"Eh, why not?" she said, throwing it right at him. Sirius caught it, unrolled it, grabbed the quill she held out for him, and began to write. A name was already on there…a name he recognized…

"…How do you know Remus Lupin?" he inquired as he crossed the 'T' in 'Tonks.' The woman smiled fondly.

"Ah Remus," she murmured, "Such a good lad…gave me the idea. Friends of his died from the curse…" She stared at the parchment wistfully. "I hoped I could spare someone else from his pain."

At that moment, Sirius glanced up at her. Even though she seemed crass and mean (and completely insane), she suddenly seemed a bit more…human… "What's your name?" he asked.

She seemed taken aback by this question. "Ramona," she replied, "Ramona McPhee."

Sirius smiled, extending a hand. "Sirius Black."

A soft purr rose from her throat, "I know ye name," she said, "Mind ye, I had to shoot down an owl to get it…last owl I've had for a year….first one I had for five…"

Sirius withdrew his hand. This could turn out badly. Could she think he was the one who betrayed James and Lilly?

"Remus told me all about your innocence," Ramona said, returning the parchment to her pocket. (Inwardly Sirius let out a sigh of relief.) She shook her head. "Must've been so hard in there…Dementors," she scoffed, "If I had my say I would get rid of the whole lot!"

Sirius shrugged and turned away. He would've really preferred not to talk about it…

"Now, about your stay here-"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. Different topic of conversation, okay, but not one he was expecting. "Stay?" he asked, then shook his head, "I'm sorry. I can't stay."

Ramona shrugged. "No choice," she said. "Ye go, ye die."

Taken aback, Sirius stared at her. He was still alive. He needed to go and help Harry, Remus, Tonks, and all of the rest of the Order. "No-I have to-"

"Ye're stuck here," she repeated, turning her back to him. "One of the problems with the veil," Ramona said nonchalantly. She glanced back at him. "What? Ye thought it would be easy?"

Sirius stared at the counter. The situation was the same as before. He was still trapped. Still couldn't help Harry. Keeping his temper in check, Sirius whispered quietly, "How long?"

With a shrug, Ramona replied. "About two years." She stared at him long and hard.

"Ye need a drink."

Sirius nodded and held out his glass and wand, which she promptly refilled. This was going to be a long two years.


End file.
